Ship roll? More like a belly roll!

What whizzes along a riverbed on three wheels ?

A motor-Pike and a side-Carp.

It's water-based, it's funny... enjoy!

Are you brave enough to be a pilot?

If Pirates had horses (Thanks OCEANUSLive & Ryan Skinner)

Is it my aftershave? Sometimes, they just won't leave me alone!

I drive two of these every weekend!

Leo & Kate didn't have this problem

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Interviewing a Royal Navy Admiral... too close to the truth?

Sometimes, a Captain needs a bit more than a wheel in his hands...
Thanks to @petermello

We are sinking...

Hi Shipmates, have just been watching FishFight on TV and you should all at least give a couple of minutes to read what is happening to the fish in our Seas and hopefully sign the pettition
Regards
Scubasteeve

http://dev.fishfight.net/the-campaign/

USCG - Incredible dedication and heroism

Maritime Women At Work!

http://threesheetsnw.com/blog/archives/7041

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Buon Natale, Feliz Navidad, Joyeux Noel, Frohe Weihnachten, Maligayang Pasko, God Jul, Sretan Bozic.

Thinking if there was a Shipping version of 'The Apprentice'. Instead of fired, you would "walk the plank". I think it has legs...

This time... it's the Antarctic!

Confucius say, People are like the sea, they can support your ship or they can sink it in a heartbeat!

A ship is called a "she" because.....

* There is always a great deal of bustle around her
* there is usually a gang of men about
* She has a waist and stays
* It takes a lot of paint to keep her good looking
* She shows her topsides and hides her bottom
* She can be all decked out
* It takes an experienced man to handle her correctly
* And without a man at the helm, she is absolutely un- controllable.
* It takes a lot of Paint to keep her Good - Looking.
* And the main reason....It's not the initial expense that breaks you, It's the upkeep!!!
* When coming into port, always heads for the buoys.

For the innocents among us, a sea story is an experience (or a good lie) that a person associated with the Naval service either remembers personally or has had told to him at one time in the past.
It has been said that the difference between a sea story and a fairy tale is that a fairy tale begins with "Once upon a time..." while a Sea Story begins with "This is a no-shi++er..."
I prefer stories to be true, but given the entertainment value of a well told sea story, I doubt if anyone is going to cry "foul" if a moderate amount of creative embellishment creeps it's way into the account.
Subject to my approval, normal standards of language usage may be relaxed. This is necessitated by the fact that a sea story without a bit of salty lingo is about as interesting as flat warm beer or the sea becalmed.
So have at, shipmates! Let's hear your best one!

Hello All,
Have not been on for a few days, have been on a boat with two other men larking about on the thames. What a spiffing time we have had! Think I may write a book about it, what do u think?

Somali Pirate song

The RNLI at work off Dorset. Some brave people out there who need your support.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=242540&l=77cda4665f&id=6251868998#!/photo.php?pid=5566131&id=6251868998&fbid=454169243998

Hi guys! Please help me out. I remember reading few lines somewhere (on a t-shirt) that was playing a word game by deliberately confusing the words ship and sheep. But cant trace it, find it or remember anything else about it. Anyone any clues? Thanks

Three men on a boat a sea each have two cigarettes but none have any matches how do they light there cigarettes?

Hi yal,

It is blowin a hooooley here, I would not like to be out to sea tonight! Would have to take shed loads of sea legs with me but I still think I would be in trouble. LOL. Im more your boat on a lake kind a guy!

Keep safe all you that are out there!!

The sea is so unforgiving, you can love it with all your heart but it doesnt care! Make a mistake and you could be hers forever!!

A guy is in a sailboat on the ocean when a storm comes up. A powerboat pulls up to him and offers to tow him to safety. He says "I am a devout man, I know that God will save me - you go ahead into shore."

The storm gets a worse. A coast guard patrol boat pull up to him and offers to tow him to safety. He says again "I am a devout man, I know that God will save me - you go ahead into shore."

The storm is getting terrible now - waves splash over his little boat. A helicopter comes out hovering over the boat and drops a ladder down to the man. He waves them off, saying again "I am a devout man, I know that God will save me"

The storm rages out of control, the man is swept off the boat and drowns. Being a devout man, he goes up to heaven - where he meets God. He asks of God: "I have worshipped you all my life, yet you did not save me from the storm, why?" God replies: "What?! I sent a powerboat to get you, I sent the Coast Guard to get you, I sent helicopters out to save you..."

A sailor who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The sailor's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the sailor turned to the priest and asked,

"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned," the sailor muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the seaman and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the pope does."

Sometimes when out on the ocean wave I do get a little sea sick, but I will NEVER get sick of the sea!!

Cap'n to a young mate: " I thought I made a mistake once, but I was wrong!"

Love the Oceanuslive vid on youtube! That music gets your spirits soaring, makes me want to go fight pirates right now!

Now you are here those damn pirates wont know whats hit them, eyes everywhere, they cant hide now!!

Real-time collaboration for the Shipping & Yachting industries. Tactical chat, Mapping, News, Forums, Maritime Social Networking for your shipmates! Bonus, keep those pesky pirates at bay!

www.oceanuslive.org

Did you Know 3.14% of all Sailors are PI rates!

Joke:- Dead ahead, through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light on a collision course with his ship.
He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."
"Change yours ten degrees west," comes the reply.
The captain responds, "I'm a United States Navy captain! Change your course, sir!"
"I'm a seaman second class," the next message reads. "Change your course, sir."
The captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"
"I'm a lighthouse. Your call."

What's a pirate's favorite socks?

Arrrrgyle.

To err is human, to arr - thats pirate!

Ship... submarine... ship... airplane... ship

You love this??

Whale break dancing!

Was told my mate about this site so thought would check it out, not the kind of shipping I thought it was, was hoping to get a car shipped over from china, LOl just yankin your chain, love the site some really good stuff on here. That rough sea vid is really cool!

Ahoy hoy boys and girls, hope you have all had a fantastic day. We here in the west country have been bathed in sunshine all of today, great sailing weather, calm sea, the sunshine, what more can a man want? Sorry to hear is not so good up North.

Joke of the day.

Two sailors meet each other on a pier.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
One points to his foot and says, "Pearl Harbor, World War II!"
The other points and says, "Seagull crap, 20 feet back!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have said it b4 and I am going to say it again. Anyone who works at sea b it on a boat, ship or a rig deserve a medal. The sea can b so cruel!!

On a lighter note does anyone know if Mervyn Kinkead (I think thats the chaps name) made it across the Irish sea in his bath?

Unbelievable! This video posted on CaptainRande.com in July 2010 via YouTube has had 1,805,579 views!

It is a video of the 300m long 4500 TEU Container vessel 200 nm NE of Japan in the Tropical Cyclone Banjan 2005. The flex in the hull structure is amazing!

I'm sailing!

Ah, the innocent misuse of language by small children

KIDS WRITE ABOUT THE SEA

1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
2. Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
3. If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Lyle age 7)
4. Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
5. A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)
6. My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)
7. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans . (William age 7)
8. I like mermaids. They are beautiful. I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)
9. I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)
10. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug them selves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
11. When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.(Kevin age 6)
12. Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Beth age 8)
13. On holidays my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her fat arse. (Desmond age 7)

Is it true that out at sea you would not notice a tsunami, it would just be a big wave? I have just read that and am not convinced!

Ahoy hoy,


News Flash
One ship carrying blue paint collided with another ship carrying red paint.

The crew is missing and believed to be marooned!

Yes, and I am going to stay a landlubber if that is what happens when you go out to sea, that looks like the perfect storm to me. AAAAAAAAAWesome though.

This is what we do; whether tug, tanker, warship, trawler or cruise ship, it's in the blood!
Avast ye landlubbers.

Stand at ease, Good morning to you all, I hope you are all having a good day on this beautiful and sunny wednesday. I like your new site very much, keeps the moral up with the personnel! Keep up the good work. And God save the Queen!

I am off to sea, an hour from now Ill b surrounded by seamen; sperm whales, and seamen. oooh a swallow!!!!

Hi there,

Just found ur site, great work, very funny.
Keep it up and all the best for the future.

Now I read an article today whilst simplistic, stated:

"I think the term is boat ubiquitous, but generally means a relatively small vessel and a ship is a relatively large vessel."

An even more simple answer was:

"ships are large
ships are sometimes used to go long distances from place to place on the ocean

boats are small (and you can go fishing in them)"

Now, don't call me an expert but I always thought the difference was that a vessel making a turn and leaning in to the same direction of the turn was a boat.

A vessel making a turn and leaning away from the direction of the turn was a ship.....

Think about it....

Where can I meet me one of those blue monsters? He,s a hunk! Way better looking than that guy in the old spice add!

Ahoy hoy shippers,

Arg, do this b the best site me harties??

I SAY I!


AAAARGH

I am a monster on a boat
(Thanks Old Spice & Peter Mello)

Pirate as a Second Language (P.S.L.)

Tis be a pirate life for me....

Pleasure boating... it's just not the same but it is funny...

Aye, reporting for duty, proceeding full speed ahead...

http://twitter.com/VcrBCdaMaritime

There is no beating being out on the waves, and here's hoping it goes all the more green..... the shipping, not the sea! :)

Ahoy hoy shipmates


A terrible skipper was going back and forth through the anchorage, searching for a place to drop the hook before dark. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a good spot, I will donate to charity, give up the demon rum, treat women with respect, pay my taxes, and never again give my crew all of the blame and none of the glory!"

Miraculously, the boat with the best spot in the bay began pulling up anchor to leave.

The skipper looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one myself."

oops!

Great idea this site guys, well done. Will pass it on to meee shipmates meee hearties!!

Wot a great site best idea this decade well done guys

I wish I was on a boat like that right now!!

A tune I made on my yacht last August... check it out

What a fantastic idea, if only Uncle Albert was still with us to share his stories of the war.

I also prefer the ships with sails ie Old Spice is the one for me

Hello, shipmates. Look at me - a super yacht; now look at that oil tanker; now back to me. Sadly, it isn't a super yacht. Stop using oily tankers and you could be like me, a super yacht. Use Old Spice!
I'm on the bridge!

How much did the pirate pay for his peg-leg and hook? An arm and a leg...

What a Brrrrilliant idea! Heres another cracking site, if you are serious about maritime travel (http://www.facebook.com/pages/OCEANUS-Live/270395384323?ref=ts) All you need to know about the modern day Pirates locations and activity!Yes Pirates check it out!!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/OCEANUS-Live/270395384323?ref=ts

what a great idea. Has been long time comin but at last we have got you guys.
Joke..
Q Why was the pirate thrown out of the casino? A For cheatin' at carrrrrrrrds! U gota love it hu?

SO much water- so little time! Shipping is the way ahead!! - great blog & good luck for the future!

Ahoy...this is great!

Fantastic idea, blog et al and its about time something like this was put together for all of us serving or ex serving mariners.

Keep it going guys.

This is great, tis the best! I will deff keep an eye on u guys! I DO LOVE shipping.org!
Keeps up the good work me hardys! Yar!

I love this already! Why hasn't this been done before? I'll keep a weather eye on this one.

I love your new blog!

Check out my Marine Cafe Blog. If you love it, let's have a reciprocal link.

If not, I'll still love your blog.

http://www.marine-cafe.com

Argggghhhhh, makes me want to get back to sea!! :)

First Post!